Jeanni Kulwin

if you're like me dealing with health issues, you're likely living in your head because you don't want to be in your body. We don't want to hang out in our body. So the big takeaway is to learn how to be grounded again and how to feel safe in your body.

read the inspiring story of Jeanni Kulwin from LA.  after 14 years of chronic pain, digestive issues, insomina, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, she herself healed from within. here is how she healed after a big shot doctor told her she'll always have pain because she has small muscles... what is her take on the healing process and what can you learn from her experience.

It all started at: 

I have struggled with feeling pain in my body for a long time. So in my early 20s, Shin splints, stress fractures, physical therapy. I became friends with people in the physical therapy office because I'm always there and I'm always back. And I remember them telling me I was active, but I was not training over training. And, oh, you must be an elite athlete. You must be an athlete because you have severe stress fractures and all these things. And I worked out a couple of times a week and I went to the gym for an hour, but it was nothing too rigorous. So just these things started young and at age 26, I got really bad pain in my ankles. And that was when, yes, I had a very long journey, 14 years with ankle pain or even no diagnosis. Nothing happened. I was going through some stress in my life, but no accidents. Thankfully, no injuries. All of a sudden started to hurt. So I was dealing with this and it would come and go and flares as I call them and periods of time. But periods of time where I'm on the couch literally can't move forward, like literally just depressed and then anxiety and fear. At age 30, I started getting really bad back pain and then the back pain. And then the ankle pain and coming and going again, not understanding anything. And then more anxiety. And that's when I first started having that insomnia, too, because the back pain, I wasn't sleeping because I was in so much pain. And then the thoughts and the worry and the fear and the flares

Main symptoms were: 

14 years with ankle pain or even no diagnosis. Nothing happened. I was going through some stress in my life, but no accidents. Thankfully, no injuries. All of a sudden started to hurt. So I was dealing with this and it would come and go and flares as I call them and periods of time. But periods of time where I'm on the couch literally can't move forward, like literally just depressed and then anxiety and fear. At age 30, I started getting really bad back pain and then the back pain. And then the ankle pain and coming and going again, not understanding anything. And then more anxiety. And that's when I first started having that insomnia, too, because the back pain, I wasn't sleeping because I was in so much pain. And then the thoughts and the worry and the fear and the flares.

I tried these modalities but they did not cure me: 

what have I done? I exhausted every possible modality.  PT, Gm  There's great doctors in La and pain management and acupuncture chiropractor physical therapy. I was getting IV, therapies different Chinese herbal doctor. Everything.  Yeah. And I was exhausted too.

Dark night of the soul: 

I mean, there were times I would be lying on the floor, like crying. not wanting to kill myself But I don't want to wake up. like the moment I got out of bed. It was feet on the floor, like the moment my feet hit the floor.

the chronic pain made me depressed

There was pain in my ankles. And yeah, I mean, just being on the floor like, I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's not fair.

Change in the plot: 

I was told by a different doctor, my Rheumatologist, that because I'm small framed that I was always going to have pain because. Oh, my God. And I believed it. (Well He's a big doctor with his white coat)
There were moments where I had my turning point. But I remember being in a chiropractor's office that started the shift for me
We were doing some just body awareness and learning how to breathe. And it was huge for me because I felt empowered. He was the first person to tell me  fibromyalgia doesn't really exist. The real cases of it are very rare. And he helped so many people. So there was this huge shift that was, I think, a turning point for me of, oh, that there is hope for me, just even by learning how to breathe and being in my body because I was always in my mind because I didn't want to be in my body because it hurts. That was started shifting. Yeah. So learning that there is a way out of the pain and there's hope. It's huge.

So I was seeing a chiropractor, but he was helping me with my breathing and my mindset. Then I went to a coach in San Diego who I worked with, who shared with me about TMS. And I had read The Great Pain Deception. That book was a huge turning point.
 

The doom of the past versus the glory of my present life: 

once I started that route, I felt physically better  more empowered and safer and it all made sense. I remember I was in an airplane reading that book and I cried because it just resonated so deeply. And those beliefs of not feeling good enough. What's wrong with me? Those started to fade.

My relationship to pain: 

my practical advice is when you have pain: don't run away to the mind to distraction. Just be present with the body and its aches.  stay open to it. 

when pain takes all attention

Well, it depends what level we're talking about. Somatic tracking is a technique that is not recommended  if your  pain level is ten because you don't want to be in your body. But if you're experiencing on scale  zero to ten, a degree of  five or six, we can just sit with it and sit with our breath
 

How to cultivate a sense of safety?: 

breath work like you going to experience is a great way to learn how to feel safe in your body. And it is a process. it's not going there from severe pain that I'm just going to sit and be in my body all day.

a gentle titration

That's a gentle titration.  we work with the body in small amounts, safety and small amounts. It's not just like I said, hang out in your body all day. It's this titration where it's small steps. But yes, again, people who have had severe trauma or big or small trauma, too much excitement in life, too can be really scary to the nervous system. this is calming the nervous system. And we're talking about the nervous system being deregulated and we want to get it regulated again. So it feels safe now.

My best advice to fellow sufferers of chronic conditions: 

the wisdom is in our body. if you're like me dealing with health issues, you're likely living in your head because you don't want to be in your body. We don't want to hang out in our body. So the big takeaway is to learn how to be grounded again and how to feel safe in your body. When you can feel safe in your body, everything shifts.  it's like, okay, I feel something in my stomach. I feel my chest. But I'm safe. 
The mantra is:  body first, mind second. And so we can really learn. 

if we've had trauma in the past, it's not safe for many of us to feel safe in our body. So it is a process. It's learning. But that is the goal to re-learn how to ground and be safe. 
 

if you're like me dealing with health issues, you're likely living in your head because you don't want to be in your body. We don't want to hang out in our body. So the big takeaway is to learn how to be grounded again and how to feel safe in your body.