The goal of understanding yourself is ultimately to be able to accept yourself, as this acceptance is what allows for the fullest sense of safety and ability to express yourself. Accept where you’ve been. Accept who you are and accept that it’s your choice to decide who to continue to be, because every moment offers the chance to either repeat the same personality or start to build a new one. It may take decades to find an answer, but once you know who you are, who do you want to be?
JJ jackson
JJ Jackson, a musician suffered of gut issues since childhood to be diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and anxiety. after getting out of the hospital he was determined to heal andhe did. Within 8 months he was symptoms free and now he shares his healing journey and insights. This path led him to believe that anything is possible indeed. watch his story and be inspired,
more about JJ
JJ Jackson is a music teacher, musician and author who lives in Northern Michigan. He’s made it his mission to unlock as many human powers within himself and consciously create his life experience every day. He is fascinated by the relationship of consciousness, physiology, psychology, and music. Jackson healed himself of ulcerative colitis, anxiety and panic attacks using a healing method he developed of the 4 M’s: Music, Mediation, Movement and Mindset. He recently released a workbook called, The Divorce Recovery Pack: A guide to healing from The Big D. The book and Jackson’s coaching services can be found at JacksonMusicProgram.com/HighVibeLife.
I first started noticing symptoms around 2005, which consisted of occasional drops of blood in the toilet when I defecated. Over the next few years, I gradually developed other symptoms, like indigestion, heartburn and explosive diarrhea, and the amount of blood in the toilet increased along with the frequency of it appearing. By 2019, I found myself in a stressful and traumatic marriage and experiencing the worst symptoms yet, including making 7-10 trips to the bathroom daily and leaving about 3-5 ounces of blood in the toilet at each visit. I had extremely low energy and I stopped leaving the house without a clear plan of how to quickly access a bathroom.
I thought I might be gluten sensitive or have irritable bowel syndrome, so my first steps were to change my diet and I also began seeing a physician’s assistant to help diagnose the problem. I eliminated gluten, sugar and dairy from my diet and tried to eat mostly raw and vegan. My stress, anxiety and trauma in my marriage was also increasing along with my symptoms, which at this point grew to include severe abdominal cramps, loss of appetite, dissociation, and suicidal ideation. My relationship with my then wife had become abusive and we experienced many other life stressors together during our 7-month marriage too, including losing a pregnancy, major health problems for my partner, and changing housing and employment multiple times. I didn’t feel safe even in my own home and I ended up spending all my time shut away in my office, even sleeping there. I noticed that I couldn’t feel or think anymore. I couldn’t remember who I was. I realized that I was living out what is referred to as the “dark night of the soul,” that place where a person’s entire being is laid bare at true rock bottom, leaving a choice to either evolve and transcend or perish.
I had an allergy panel and blood tests sent out and was referred to a gastrointestinal doctor, and when I visited this doctor he immediately remarked that I looked anemic. My blood tests came back to reveal I was extremely deficient in vitamin D and iron so much so that I had a blood count of 4 and a normal range starts at 13, meaning that I had severely low hemoglobin in my blood being able to transport oxygen around. Being in danger of passing out at any second, I was told to go to the emergency room immediately to have a blood transfusion and I ended up needing two transfusions to stabilize my blood. I also needed a colonoscopy to explore the damage and to prepare for this procedure I had to drink a large amount of sodium solution in order to flush out my digestive system and colon.
I spent two nights in the hospital and I remember the turning point for me was sitting in the hospital bed wondering how I got there and feeling like I was at a crossroads of choosing to continue the path I was on or make big changes in order to heal. I was given the diagnosis of moderate-to-severe ulcerative colitis and advised to follow a low-fiber diet to reduce the activity in my digestive tract. I also knew I needed to leave my marriage and decrease the stress in my life. I got divorced, moved back to my childhood home and continued the work of rediscovering and rewriting myself.
Through journaling, music, meditation, exercise, yoga, breath work, shadow work, inner child work, and goal setting, I was able to reprogram my subconscious mind and eliminate the panic attacks that I had developed during my divorce. My doctor prescribed me the steroid, prednisone, and mesalamine for anti-inflammation, both heavy medications that I was told to expect taking for the rest of my life. By the way, a monthly prescription of these two drugs cost $1,200. I knew on principle I wasn’t going to be chronically on medication and I stopped taking it after the first month. Along with the other work I was doing on my health, I kept a detailed food and bathroom journal as I worked on rebuilding my immune system. Finding the right diet was important and this consisted of: 80-90 ounces of locally-sourced spring water a day, an anti-inflammatory and probiotic smoothie, high-quality meats, healthy fats and carbs, and thoroughly-cooked fruits and vegetables.
The techniques of shadow work and inner child work helped me to learn to be aware of my thoughts, feelings and motives. This awareness then helped me to rewrite my personality and consciously decide what I wanted for my life. The combination of these two techniques also helps to balance polarity within oneself. Shadow work is the process of investigating and discovering aspects of your personality, thoughts and beliefs that you weren’t aware of before. This technique activates the masculine energy inside you to be able to hunt down and conquer previously unknown, perhaps feared, parts of yourself. Inner child work, on the other hand, is the process of nurturing the needs of your childhood self and reparenting yourself in a healthy way. The technique involves harnessing the feminine energy inside yourself to access this nurturing space.
There’s four main lessons I’ve learned to help me heal and form a new personality:
- My state is my choice.
- Embrace the opportunity to disappoint others.
- Embrace the opportunity to be disappointed by others.
- Embrace the chance to be surprised by others and life.
I knew I was healed when I could think about the possibility of interacting with my ex-wife and not have a severe panic attack. Also when I saw that I could eat whatever I want and not have a flare-up. I haven’t had any symptoms for nearly two years. I continue being aware of eating healthy and not having fear around food, getting plenty of water and exercise, meditating and playing music regularly, and getting lots of time in nature. It’s important for me to be able to listen to my body and investigate my feelings. Through my healing work, I’ve developed a more finely-tuned awareness of my emotional and physiological signals. I check-in daily with my entire body and I know how to explore any discomfort that might appear. I observe my emotions and thoughts in order to trace their roots. I know that pain happens to signal awareness and I don’t fear it, I welcome discomfort and appreciate comfort. When I notice pain, instead of saying to myself, “Oh, there must be something wrong! I have to react in order to alleviate this pain;” I tell myself, “Look, here’s a feeling that has a story to tell. What is it trying to tell me?”
Here’s some other big tips I’d recommend to anyone on a healing journey:
- Drink lots of water daily, at least 70-90 ounces or more.
- Find the diet that’s right for your body and mental health.
- Get enough sleep, which is usually 7-9 hours.
- Have at least one awareness practice, like meditation, yoga, tantra, journaling, conscious walks, body scanning, or any activity that encourages present awareness and focus, particularly in relation to the body, mind and emotions.
- Get in touch with what you want from life. This involves becoming aware of the programming you grew up with and consciously choosing to either keep or rewrite this programming.
- Get a clear map for growth in your life. Set a goal of how you’d like to feel in the future, what goals you want to accomplish, and what steps it would take to get there.
- Do the necessary work to figure out how to be grateful for who you are and what you have. Love yourself.
- Surround yourself with good people who help you grow and be authentic. Notice if there are certain people in your life that bring out your harmful programming.
These tips will help to create a healthy relationship with your mind, body, emotions, and awareness. Being able to recognize what thoughts you’re having, how your body feels and reacts, and where your attention is being placed, allows you the ability to observe them from a neutral place and not get sucked in to reacting to them. Building awareness helps to create a sense of safety in the body and to be able to notice when the body is in a state of calm or discomfort. Investigate when pain or discomfort happens, and use the 4 M’s: Music, Meditation, Movement, and Mindset to proactively create a feeling of calm, centered focus that can be maintained
The goal of understanding yourself is ultimately to be able to accept yourself, as this acceptance is what allows for the fullest sense of safety and ability to express yourself. Accept where you’ve been. Accept who you are and accept that it’s your choice to decide who to continue to be, because every moment offers the chance to either repeat the same personality or start to build a new one. It may take decades to find an answer, but once you know who you are, who do you want to be?
One book I would recommend along the healing and personal discovery journey is the book, Directing the Power of Conscious Feelings, by Clinton Callahan, because it’s writing style is the right mix of jarring and blunt, yet revealing and inspiring at the same time. Plus, the exercises and thought experiments within the book are great ways to learn about yourself.